1. CAFCASS & ICFA Are Not Your Friends

What it’s for: To steer the narrative by selectively recording or reshaping what you say.

How to navigate: Record conversations (tell them first) and always send written summaries after each contact: “To confirm what was discussed today…”

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2. The Misquote-the-LIP Trick

What it’s for: To discredit you by claiming you said things you didn’t.

How to navigate: Keep communication in writing wherever possible and keep recordings of important calls or meetings.

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3. Evidence Quietly Goes Missing

What it’s for: To stop the judge seeing material that supports your case.

How to navigate: Keep your own paginated bundle and be ready to hand or email the missing pages directly to the court if needed.

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4. Selective Reporting by CAFCASS / ICFA

What it’s for: To shape the case by expanding your ex’s narrative and minimising yours.

How to navigate: Provide clear, numbered facts in writing and challenge inaccuracies in reports as soon as you receive them.

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5. The “Reasonable Parent” Reversal

What it’s for: To justify the resident parent’s behaviour while reframing your reactions as problematic.

How to navigate: Stick to factual timelines, specific incidents and evidence. Avoid emotional, reactive language that can be twisted.

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6. The Last-Minute Document Dump

What it’s for: To overwhelm you so you can’t properly read or respond before the hearing.

How to navigate: Email the court immediately to say you’ve only just received the documents and request time to review or permission to file a reply

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7. “We Don’t Have Time for That Today”

What it’s for: To delay or avoid examining important issues that might change the outcome.

How to navigate: Politely ask the judge when each specific issue will actually be heard and record their answer in your notes

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8. Shifting Focus From Their Breaches to Your Behaviour

What it’s for: To make you the problem instead of addressing their actions and breaches.

How to navigate: Keep a factual, dated breach log (what was ordered, what happened, any evidence) and bring it every time.

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9. Professional Solidarity Shield

What it’s for: To protect flawed assessments by having other professionals repeat them without checking.

How to navigate: Ask for specific examples behind negative statements and provide clear contrary evidence in writing.

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10. The “Settle Now or You’ll Lose It” Trick

What it’s for: To pressure you into accepting reduced arrangements through fear.

How to navigate: If you choose to accept, say it is for now and child-centred:

“I accept this for now so we can see how the child responds. This is child-centred and can be reviewed.” Make clear it is temporary, not your long-term consent."

 

11. The “No Application Before Me” Shield

What it’s for: To avoid giving directions even when there are clear safeguarding or fairness issues.

How to navigate: Ask how the issue will be dealt with if there is “no application” and, if needed, file a formal application so it cannot be ignored.​

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12. Corridor / Off-Record Pressure

What it’s for: To push you into agreements without anything being written down.

How to navigate: Say: “Please put that in writing.” After any corridor conversation, email: “To confirm what was discussed outside court today…”

 

13. Vague, Unenforceable Orders

What it’s for: To create orders you cannot enforce if the other parent refuses to cooperate.

How to navigate: Ask for clear, specific wording with fixed times, dates, handover points and holiday patterns.

 

14. Downgrading Breaches to “Contact Difficulties”

What it’s for: To minimise serious breaches and avoid enforcement or consequences.

How to navigate: Present breaches as a pattern over time. Use a simple table of date / order / what actually happened / evidence.

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15. Turning Normal Parenting Into “Risk”

What it’s for: To reposition you as controlling, unstable or unsafe when you are simply being involved.

How to navigate: Always frame your actions in terms of the child’s needs:

“This is to provide stability and safety for the child, not to control the other parent.”

 

16. Using the Child as Messenger or Spy

What it’s for: To manipulate the child and the narrative while blaming you for their distress.

How to navigate: Document each incident with date, place and exact wording or behaviour. Raise that children should not be used to carry adult messages.

 

17. Ignoring the Pattern – Only Looking at ‘Recent Events’

What it’s for: To dismiss long-term behaviour as “historic” and pretend it’s irrelevant.

How to navigate: Use a one-page timeline to show how the historic behaviour leads directly to the current problem

 

18. Professional Reports Treated as Gospel

What it’s for: To shut down scrutiny of biased, thin or inaccurate reports.

How to navigate: Highlight concrete factual errors and missing material. Ask what information was relied on and what wasn’t seen.

 

19. Delay and Drift With No Consequences

What it’s for: To exhaust you and let the resident parent’s position become the new “normal” by default.

How to navigate: Record every missed deadline or delay and ask the court:

“What are the consequences of this direction not being complied with?”

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20. “You’re Lucky to Have This Much” Narrative

What it’s for: To make you feel unreasonable for seeking a proper, balanced role in your child’s life.

How to navigate: Bring the focus back to your child:

“This is about what is proportionate and healthy for this child, not comparing my case to other parents.”

 

21. Strip Out the Issues Before the Hearing

What it’s for: To remove most of your concerns at gatekeeping or directions stage so they are never properly heard.

How to navigate: Say:

“Several issues from my application have not been examined or determined. I’m concerned the overall pattern may be lost.” Keep a separate list of issues that were filtered out so you can show they were never adjudicated."

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22. “List All Your Issues…We’ll Sort Them Later” (Then They Don’t)

What it’s for: To sound fair in court while narrowing the written order to 1–2 safe issues.

How to navigate: After each directions hearing, compare what was said with the written order. If issues are missing, write immediately:

“The order dated [date] does not reflect what was said. The judge asked me to list all issues, but only [A and B] are recorded. I request the order be amended.”

 

23. Dismissing Without Really Hearing the Evidence

What it’s for: To dispose of your application quickly without examining your schedule, messages or patterns.

How to navigate: Say once, calmly, in the hearing:

“My evidence has not been worked through today; the schedule of breaches and examples of emotional pressure has not been examined.”

Record this in your notes for any future complaint or appeal.

 

24. Dodging a Fact-Finding to ‘Save Time’

What it’s for: To avoid resolving core disputes, letting allegations hang over you for years.

How to navigate: Put it in writing:

“I request a fact-finding hearing because the allegations are central to contact and welfare decisions. Without findings, these issues will keep returning to court.” If the court says it will “stir up dust”, respond: “A fact-finding settles the dust. It gives a clear record of what is and isn’t proven so we can all move forward.”

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25. The Pension Disclosure Shuffle & Transcript Delay Trap

What it’s for:

• To hide or delay full pension information so it can’t be properly examined.

• To delay transcripts so you can’t show where the judge went wrong in time to appeal.

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How to navigate – pensions:

• From the start, ask specifically for full pension disclosure (all schemes, CETVs, forecasts).

• If figures appear late or only verbally, say:

“These figures have only just been provided. I’ve not had a fair chance to seek advice or ask questions and may need further directions.”

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How to navigate – transcripts:

• Request the transcript immediately if you might appeal.

• Keep a written record of every delay or wrong file sent.

• If deadlines are affected, write to the appeal court:

“I have requested the transcript, but delays/errors in supply mean I have been unable to finalise my grounds. I ask the court to take this into account.”